Hey You! Allow me to introduce: Your Inner Critic

A man about to give a speech thinks: "You're going to make a fool of yourself. You're going to sound stupid. They're all going to laugh at you. Who wants to listen to what you have to say, anyway?"  A young man applying for a job thinks: "You're too young and inexperienced for this job. Why even bother writing a resume? You're never going to get a job like this anyway." A child taking a test at school is distracted by thoughts like: "You're such an idiot! You can't do anything right. You're going to fail this test."

Do you ever have thoughts like these? What effect do they have on your life? How do they make you feel when you experience them?

Why did the man giving the speech berate himself in a way that actually increased his nervousness? Why did the young man envision failure in finding job? Why did these people perceive these situations in a negative light and make predictions about the future in a way that had a detrimental effect on their feelings and their behavior?

Destructive thoughts such as these strongly influence our actions and the way we conduct our daily lives. For example, the man giving the speech did stumble over his words, and the man who put off writing a resume did not get the job he wanted.

Like the man giving the speech, we are all aware of thoughts that increase our nervousness and interfere with our performance. However, most of us tend to underestimate the extent to which these hostile thoughts could be directing our lives. The sneering, belittling self-criticism described in the examples above are only the tip of the iceberg in terms of the underlying anger we feel toward ourselves. 

They are merely the more visible fragments of a larger, well-hidden enemy within, a powerful adversary made up of destructive thoughts, belief and attitudes that control our actions, interfere with the pursuit of our personal and career goals, and make us feel bad a good deal of the time.

Do you have this type of inner enemy?

Being for Yourself or Against Yourself
It seems that all of us are divided within ourselves and have a basic conflict in relation to our goals and aspirations in life: On one hand, we have feelings of warm self-regard and we have traits and behaviors that we like or feel comfortable with in ourselves. We have natural tendencies to grow and develop and to pursue our personal and vocational goals, as well as desires to be close in our relationships and to search for meaning in life. You can refer to these tendencies as the real you or your real self, because they are made up of a friendly, compassionate view of yourself.

On the other hand, we have an unfriendly, critical view of ourselves. Often these destructive thoughts and attitudes become intense and take precedence over our more realistic or positive ways of thinking.  They influence us to limit ourselves and sabotage our successes and, in times, to feel hostile and cynical toward other people.  In some cases, under stressful conditions, this negative way of thinking can increase, gaining more control over our actions, and can actually lead to seriously self-destructive behavior. This negative side, as well as its critical, angry point of view, is the Inner Critic.  It is the part of you that is turned against your real self.  It encourages and strongly influences self-defeating and self-destructive behaviour, and it promotes angry or hurtful attitudes toward other people as well.

Depending on which part of your personality is more prominent at a given time, the real you or the inner critic, you will express an entirely different point of view, and your behaviors and interactions with others will be different. Perhaps you have noticed this interesting phenomenon in the people close to you; they can be very different when they seem to be "themselves" than when they do not seem themselves. When they are themselves, they are usually relaxed and far more likable. When they are being influenced by their inner critic, they are typically more uptight and unlikable.

Want to learn more about how you developed such inner critic and what to do about it?  Join us in the upcoming teleclass on April 30th, 2011: Free Yourself from Your Inner Critic.

Source:
(1) The work of Dr. R. W. Firestone
a- Conquer Your Critica Inner Voice (with Lisa Firestone, & Joyce Catlett)
b- The Fantasy Bond: Structure of Psychological Defenses.
(2) Self-Esteem: Third Edition by Matthew McKay.