November 2008

1- Pre-Natal Care: What About the Father?
Visitor Question:  Hi. I am a Christian woman married to an Egyptian Muslim man. We have been married for three years. My husband wants 4-6 children. We recently found out that I am pregnant. Ever since I told him the news he has been distant. He doesn't talk to me and when we do talk it usually ends up in a verbal fight. He seems to have no interest in the pregnancy. He sees no need to go to any of the doctor's visits with me and when I told him that I heard the baby's heartbeat he just said, "That's nice." Is this normal behavior for an Egyptian Muslim man? When I ask my husband he says that men act differently than women. Please advise me. I am so confused and upset. I just feel so alone in this pregnancy. Thank you.

The above question was submitted to the Parenting Counselor section of Islam On Line website.  Here is my reply.

2- My Sisters Hate Me
Visitor Question:  Dear counselors, i wish to address this question to you in dire hope that you would help me find ease in my heart, and a method to deal with my problem in the best Islamic way.
I have four older sisters. Among them I have felt, witnessed and even proved that the last two of my sisters practically hate me. All four of them are married except me; I am the last born. I have no quarrels with the two oldest ones, but the other two sisters have always had a grudge against me. I cannot say more about it because if I start, I wouldn't know where to stop. I have been willing to withstand it all mainly because I don't want my Mother to get hurt. She has witnessed it too, and even told me that she could tell that they do not want the best for me. She told me to persevere due to the fact that they are older.
Recently, one of them could not control her grudge to the extent that she told me countless times to leave her house. I have moved out now, and I live with another family member. Both of them have had many fights with me. And it's just them two. I mean, I have two other older sisters and brothers, yet I have never had any problems with them. But these other two have always found a way to belittle, insult and be-grudge me in every possible way.

Even though I live in another house, I feel very responsible for my Mother, and out of respect I visit her when the other two are not at home. My mother sometimes tries to patch things up for us and forces me to visit them. I have tried that only for my mother's sake and I only end up getting hurt.

Dear counselor's, I am sick and tired of them hurting me so badly. I go to bed and cry myself to sleep and I pray to Allah (SWT) to make it easy for me. But I also want to avoid them, yet I can't do that when my mum keeps forcing me to visit them. What should I do? Should I disregard my mother's wishes? If I do that, wouldn't I be hurting my mother? What is the best possible Islamic way to get out of this?
Shukran… Jazaka Allah.

My reply.