"An Ohio university study of heart disease in the 1970s was conducted by feeding quite toxic, high-cholesterol diets to rabbits in order to block their arteries, duplicating the effect that such a diet has on human arteries. Consistent results began to appear in all the rabbits groups except for one, which strangely displayed 60 percent fewer symptoms.

Nothing in the rabbits' physiology could account for their high tolerance to the diet, until it was discovered by accident that the student who was in charge of feeding these particular rabbits liked to fondle and pet them. He would hold each rabbit lovingly for a few minutes before feeding it; astonishingly, this alone seemed to enable the animals to overcome the toxic diet.

Repeat experiment, in which one group of rabbits was treated neutrally while the others were loved, came up with similar results [1].

Don't overlook the importance, and the magic of every day to day activities with your children. Play with them, and give them their due of love and affection, both verbally and physically. Don't think that TV and computer games are more beneficial to the children than the parent-child interaction. Don't deprive them of the loving touch that is essential for their emotional and physical well-being. Remember: your loving touch is a sign of how much rahmah (mercy) you have in your heart.

When Al-'Aqra` Ibn Habiss saw Prophet Muhammad (Peace be Upon Him) kissing and hugging his grandson Al-Hassan Ibn `Ali (r.a.a.), he said: "I have 10 children; I never kissed any of them". Prophet Muhammad (SAW) looked at him and said: "Whoever is not merciful to others, will not be treated mercifully," [2]
 
On another occasion, some Bedouins went to Madinah to see Prophet Muhammad (SAW) and asked: "Do you kiss your children?" When the answer came in the affirmative, they said "By God, we don't kiss (our children)". Prophet Muhammad (SAW) then told them: ‎"I can not put mercy in your hearts after Allah has taken it away from you." [3]

Also as important to the children (and to everyone for that matter) is the way we look at them. Do we have HARD eyes or SOFT ones? Do we look at our children, and at one another, with the eyes of compassion, respect and mercy or do we look at them with harshness, judgment and attack?

Our Muslim scholars talked about the different types of eyes and how they indicate our hearts' true colors [4]. When "The Eye" is mentioned, we usually think of envy and the envious eye (`ayn Al-Hassad), but this is only one type. Our scholars mentioned - among others:
- The Loving Eye: `ayn ar-Rida or `ayn Al-Mahabbah
- The Angry Eye: `ayn as-Sukht
- The Blaming Eye: `ayn al-`azal.

The loving eye is certainly comforting and reassuring. No one will contest that. What we tend to forget is the following: It is the right of our children that we look at them with this soft eye: the eye of love, content, and mercy. They do not have to earn this. It is their right.

It is sad to see some Muslims dispute this last fact. They fail to see that there is the love for the child: The Un-Conditional Love that the child doesn't need to do anything to receive, and the love for the child's behavior: The Conditional Love. When it comes to the children's behavior, you love what pleases Allah (swt) and disapprove of what displeases Him (s.w.t.), and when correcting a child's behavior, you make sure you don't condemn the child while condemning the behavior, especially with young children -  don't throw the baby with the bath water. After all, you still love your child when you are correcting her, don't you? Your love should be evident in your ways of correcting her behavior.

If we look at the first hadith mentioned above "Man La Yarham La Yurham", one can draw the lesson: If a parent wants his children to be merciful towards him (especially when that parent reaches old age), that parent should make sure to be merciful towards his children (while these children are growing up). In some cases, it is the parents' faults. This is why `Umar Ibn Al-Khattab once told a man who came to him complaining about his son "La qad 'aqaqtahu men qabl", i.e. "you were unkind to him before".

`Ayn as-Sukht (the indignant/impatient/hostile eye) in particular is very devastating. It heavily affects the grownups. In Surat Al-Qalam, we read about the effect of the unbelievers' hostile eyes on the Prophet s.a.w. [5], so one can imagine how devastating it can be for the children; it certainly shakes them to the core. And at any home, if the children are given the "hard" eye all the time, we witness devastating outcomes. In the very least, these children lose their loving hearts [6].

In the end, we have to admit that there are lots of social problems in our Muslim Ummah these days. And if we were to solve them, we must look at the full picture, no matter how painful this may turn out to be.

salam
Ahmad

Footnotes:
* This article was first written in May, 2006 and recently re-published on www.islamonline.net.
[1] Deepak Chopra "Quantum Healing: Exploring the Frontiers of Mind/Body Medicine" Bantam Books 1990.
[2] ‎Bukhari, Muslim.
[3] Bukhari & Muslim.
[4] e.g. Imam Ibn Al-Qayyim in his book Ar-Roh.
[5] Q68:51: And the Unbelievers would almost trip you (smite you) with their eyes when they hear the Message; and they say: "Surely he is mad!".
[6] By their very nature, by their fitrah, children are loving. It is the environment around them (and this begins with the home) that can change this fitrah.