First written, posted on March 08th, 2006
The real issue is inside of you and not in the other person

Many people in the first stages (and even later) of their engagement periods experience extreme shifts in the way they feel about their potential partner.

One day they are ecstatic. They may scream "My finace(e) is the best person ever!".  The following day they are downright angry and hateful. They say "I can't believe I ever thought of getting engaged to that person".

One hour, they think "This relationship is great. I wish I get married today".  The next hour, their thoughts are along the line "This relationship stinks. Better to call it off".

If you experience such dramatic shifts in your experience of your fiancee [or any person in your life for that matter], please know that these shifts are an indication of a split in your personality and have little, if nothing, to do with the other person.

People don't change that quickly from one extreme to the next in a very short period.  However, your perception of people can change that quickly if there is a split inside of you.

It is as if some part of you perceives your fiancee in one way, while another part of you perceives him/her in the exact opposite, and our conscious awareness keeps oscillating between these two parts.

Your inner realm is not coherent.  Your inner realm is not integrated.  It is divided.  And as long as your inner psyche is divided, you will be torn apart and you will sway from one opinion to its opposite.

Finally note that swaying from one extreme to the next is not a characteristic of Al-Mu'mineen (Believing Men and Believing Women) who are more grounded, stable, and mature. They have a better grasp of reality. They can easily perceive the other person as a whole - including both the positive and the negative - magnifying/denying neither the good nor the bad.  More-over, they are self-confident and are more secure.

As Allah (swt) tells us in Surat Al-An`am [Chapter 6, Verse #82]: "They who believe and do not mix their belief with injustice - those will have security, and they are the [rightly] guided".

And Allah (swt) knows best ...
Salam
Ahmad