Between Victims and Owners-Of-The-Spirit - III
What does "No" mean to you?

An owner is not afraid to make a request. On the other hand victims fear the word "no" and will do amazing things to avoid ever hearing it. To a victim, "no" means rejection. Total, devastating rejection. "No" doesn't just sound like "no" to the victim, it sounds like, "No, no, NO, you are NOT WORTHY!"

But to an owner, "no" is simply the other side of "yes." "No" and "yes" live together. Every human being has a perfect right to say either "yes" or "no" and this does not bother an owner. The owner honors that right. Therefore, when owners hear "no," they don't think something is wrong with the uni-verse. They don't conclude that life is unfair. They move right on to the next request. They move on with their lives.

Victims spend the better part of their lives trying to avoid hearing the word "no." Because they've made it to mean rejection: total, thorough, and personal-rejection. It is little wonder they want to avoid it whenever possible. The trouble is that by avoiding "no" they also avoid "yes." The two go to¬gether. They live together.

One mistake victims do is that they equate "Yes" with "Love". "If he really loves me, he wouldn't have refused", "I really love her, I can't understand why she is not following my advice", you will hear a victim says. This happens not just because of the fear of receiving a "no" but also because victims have an array of misconceptions about what love truly is, e.g. they equate love with getting what they want & they equate loving others with others being the way they want them to be, but this is a subject for another post.

People with such irrational fear of a "no" avoid being openly honest. They are usually manipulative. On the other hand, you can always count on honest and direct communication when dealing with an owner.

An owner succeeds because an owner doesn't have an ir¬rational, superstitious fear of failure. The owner wanders bravely into the land of "no."

"I've missed more than 9,000 shots in my career," said Michael Jordan. "I've lost more than 300 games. Twenty-six times I've been trusted to take the game-winning shot, and missed. I've failed over and over and over again in my life ... and that's why I succeed."

There is a big difference between losing and being defeated. The victim uses a loss to justify retiring from the game. But the owner loses beautifully. The owner loses gracefully. The owner uses a loss for inspiration.

Source: "Re-Inventing Yourself", Steve Chandler. Check his site.

Other References:
- "I need your love, is that true?", Byron Katie. Check The Work
- "Permission to Succeed", Noah St-John. Check Success Clinic.