Sitting there at the softly lit reception hall, surrounded by powerful and elegant people, Amal felt this was the night she had been waiting for all her life. As the newest junior partner in the firm, at last she had been invited up to the chief executive officer's lavish estate for his semi-annual big bash. Corporate giants from all over the world made it a point to attend these parties, and only the "who's who" received invitations. She had heard that here was where the real deals were put together. These men and women were the power brokers, and she wanted to be a part of it all.

But unknown to Amal, that evening was going to be powerful for her in a way she never could have guessed. Even today she can still vividly recall the events that so profoundly changed her life. It all started when she walked over to the vice-president of her division and struck up a relaxed but probing conversation. After all, she was the bright and upcoming new executive, so it seemed natural to question him about what her future held in store. Besides, everyone knew that he was powerful in his own right, and just to be seen talking with him meant you were someone of some significance. The next thirty minutes were almost like heaven. Her executive officer told her, in so many words, that she would go on to become a major force in the industry- a power in her own right.

As their conversation was coming to a close, Amal noticed that her boss had suddenly become visibly distracted. This made her feel somewhat anxious. What if she had bored him? However, much to her relief, a beat later she saw that the reason he was acting so strangely was that his boss, the chief executive officer himself, had just entered the room and was motioning over to him. A moment later, she watched on in silence as the two most important people in her life walked over to a corner of the room and started talking. She tried to imagine what important business they were discussing. Maybe she was the topic of conversation. Wouldn't that be exciting?

Against her better judgment, but well in line with her insatiable curiosity Amal found an out-of-the-way place next to them that was out of their sight but within earshot of their dialog. What she overheard during the next few minutes broke against her like an ocean wave rolling up to a sand castle. It felt like a whole portion of her life had fallen into the surge and had been washed away. Somehow it just didn't add up. She was more troubled by her own reaction to their conversation than she was by the content of what she had just overheard. After all, all that had transpired was that her boss had just spent the last few minutes quietly but anxiously asking his boss the exact same questions about his future that she had been asking him less than ten minutes before. What in the world was going on? She wanted all the cards on the table, even if it meant finding out she had been hiding some from herself. She wanted to know, and nothing was going to stop her.

So, from that moment on, Amal secretly shadowed her boss's boss around the party. This man was the chief executive officer of their company, and she wanted to see just who he talked to and what he talked about. Near the end of the evening, she thought she had lost sight of him, until she realized that he was standing out on the edge of the patio talking with another gentleman. It only took a second for her to recognize this partner in conversation as the chairman of the board of the eighth-largest corporation in America.

Neither of them saw her ease over to the sliding-glass doors, and no one dancing by her at the party realized what she was doing. But she knew. And if she hadn't already prepared herself for what she was about to overhear, Amal probably would have collapsed on the spot. However, in the back of her mind, she had long suspected what was now being played out before her.

As she strained to listen in on their muffled conversation, she heard her boss's boss asking this powerful chairman what he thought the future held in store for him! Amal knew in that very moment that she had stumbled onto one of the best-kept secrets in the world. That thirty seconds of dialog between those two men explained everything to her. Here was the root of her long-standing and deep-seated insecurity. She now understood her doubts about solemn promises made and never kept by others. No wonder everybody, including the so-called power brokers of this world, trembles before unexpected events. In a flash, Amal understood all of this and more. Her eyes had been opened. Her personal pursuit of power had so blinded her that until that moment she had never allowed herself to consider what was now so painfully obvious.

She had been an unwitting, unconscious player in a global game of snake-believe, in which each of the players involved pretends to have enough power to help someone else less powerful secure their future. However, each of these so-called power players doesn't have quite enough power to put their own fears and doubts to rest. And so they are in turn compelled to look to yet another player, who they can only hope will somehow help them.

Everyone is so busy looking for something or someone else to give them this power that no one sees that no one has it!  Why couldn't she see this before? She had been giving her life away day after day, struggling to climb a power ladder that was powerless to lift her. She had been trapped playing in a game where the only prize was the hope of winning. From the so-called bottom rung of this power ladder all the way to its so-called top, everyone on it was in the exact same position. All were afraid. She had been afraid to see it, but now she knew it.

That's why it's a game of make-believe. Those who play have shut their eyes to the fact that depending on someone to help them who can't really help themselves is a recipe for fear, anxiety, and resentment. It's like two men who are lost and wandering in the desert with no water. When by chance they meet, each of them pretends to have water so that the other will share his. Both go thirsty. No matter how many people may agree to sit down to an imaginary feast, all will walk away hungry.

Up until that evening, Amal thought she wanted power over others. Now she knew that all she'd ever wanted was to be in charge of herself.

All along she had been so certain she had to win the approval and support of others. Now she knew the only important victory was for her to win true independence.

And true independence lies in being free from the creation being only a servant of the Creator.

salam
Ahmad

Source: The writings of Vernon Howard and Guy Finely.