Cognitive Distortions 
Part-I

Seeing the way people argue these days, and the way news stories are being written in Egyptian newspapers these days, I am surprised at the amount of illogical deductions and irrational rationalizations.  This is alarming for me.  What is even more startling, for me at least, is the fact that all of us claim objectivity. 

After closely following the Egyptian newspapers since December of 2010, I am afraid that for many Egyptians (1): their ideology is a collection of Irrational Beliefs and that their analytical methodology is a collection of Cognitive Distortions.

When the following parenting style is dominant, the likely effect on the child is as follows[1]:

(1)The Overcritical Parent:
This parent examines everything with a judgmental eye [2]. Nothing is good enough. A flaw will always be found. Praise is withheld. Constant criticism is the norm.

Probable or even likely effect:
The child struggles to please in order to gain approval and/or love. The more they are withheld, the hungrier the child gets for them. He is always hopeful that this time will be different, this time he will be good enough. The child sees himself as flawed and in¬adequate. As an adult he will never feel satisfied with what he does or with what others do.

I have a right to live rather than exist.

I have a right to personhood rather than being an object of possession.

I have a right to be uniquely myself with my own identify.

I have a right to speak my thoughts and feelings, and to be heard.

I have a right to ask "Why?" and to receive answers.

I have a right to equality with every other human being regardless of age.

I have a right to be respected with regard to my worth.

I have a right to receive discipline without being hollered at, discounted, or put down.

I have a right to be encouraged to grow to maturity at my own pace.

I have a right to be free from physical harm at the hands of resentful people.

The Pursuit of Contentment

A New Teleclass on Contentment & Happiness starting Sunday May 1st, God willing,   This will be a 10-week teleclass that will run on Sundays’ mornings.  Details are as follows:

Contents
- Contentment is a decision ones make
(فمن رضى فله الرضى ، ومن سخط فله السخط)
- Contentment is independent of circumstances
- Difference between Core States and Emotions/Feelings
- Why is happiness fleeting you? And why should you choose to be happy?
- Myths:
… I will be happy when
…It is not possible to be happy in certain situations
…Unhappiness is good for you

"The positive effect of kindness on the immune system and on the increased production of serotonin in the brain has been proven in research studies.  Serotonin is a naturally occurring substance in the body that makes us feel more comfortable, peaceful, and even blissful.  In fact, the role of most anti-depressants is to stimulate the production of serotonin chemically, helping to ease depression.

Research has shown that a simple act of kindness directed toward another improves the functioning of the immune system and stimulates the production of serotonin in both the recipient of the kindness and the person extending the kindness.

Even more amazing is that people observing the act of kindness have similar beneficial results.

Imagine this!  Kindness extended, received, or observed beneficially impacts the physical health and feelings of everyone involved!" ~ Dr. Wayne Dyer.

It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better.  The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat." ~ Theodore Roosevelt (April 23, 1910)

The Role of Psychological Defenses in Marriage

On a conscious level, people believe they are looking for loving intimate relationships.  However, to really enjoy loving relationships, we must be willing to become vulnerable; to relax; to let our guards down.  But because we are afraid of feeling vulnerable, most of us retreat from being close and gradually, almost imperceptibly, give up the most valued aspects of our relationships.

Hey You! Allow me to introduce: Your Inner Critic

A man about to give a speech thinks: "You're going to make a fool of yourself. You're going to sound stupid. They're all going to laugh at you. Who wants to listen to what you have to say, anyway?"  A young man applying for a job thinks: "You're too young and inexperienced for this job. Why even bother writing a resume? You're never going to get a job like this anyway." A child taking a test at school is distracted by thoughts like: "You're such an idiot! You can't do anything right. You're going to fail this test."

Do you ever have thoughts like these? What effect do they have on your life? How do they make you feel when you experience them?

Nicely Said: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TcYBWPCV37Q
A short video (under 2 min) by Guy Finely

Four Words to Keep you Balanced

In chapter 57 of the Quran, We read "Naught of disaster befalleth in the earth or in yourselves but it is in a Book before we bring it into being - surely that is easy to Allah.  So that you may not grieve for what has escaped you, nor be exultant at what He has given you; and Allah does not love any prideful boaster" (verses 22 & 23). 

If we remember that whenever we feel out of control in one way or another: soaring too high or flying too low, we can meet life's ups and downs with relative peace and calm.  We can always remind ourselves "This Too Shall Pass" the way the king in the following story did: